Sick Leave

 I urgently needed a few days off work.   But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.   I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy",  then he would tell me to take a few days off.   So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.   My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.   I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.   A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of goodness are you doing?"  I told him I was a light bulb.  He said, "You are clearly stressed out."  Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."  I jumped down and walked out of the office... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!" (You're gonna love this....)

She said, "I'm going home too.   I can't work in the dark.

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

Death of a HR Director

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was hit by a bus and she died.  St. Peter himself met her soul at the Pearly gates. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, we've never had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman.  "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we are going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."  "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules... "

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.  In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got in the elevator.

The elevator opened at the Pearly gates and she found St. Peter waiting for her. She spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing.  She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So you have spent a day in hell, and a day in Heaven. Now choose your eternity," he said. The woman replied: "Well I never thought I would say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went back to Hell. When the doors opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.  Now all there is are wastelands and garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today, you're staff....."

Come Back Soon!